Aliens in Newton

Top of the Day to all,

Once again I have breaking news.

Unbelievable as it seems, I have learned that in a report of undisclosed origin it has been revealed that aliens have either escaped or been allowed to leave Area 51 to seek suitable locations for Gateway Housing.  Gateway Housing is described as the initial residential component of Operation Infiltration, the program designed to allow aliens enter and infiltrate into human society.

Information leaked from the office of the unidentified Program Director indicates that HG Agents claim they have identified an acceptable site in Newtonville MA.  The site is a new building project, billed as a Transit Oriented Development, located at a windswept, handicapped inaccessible, senior unfriendly, uninviting transit stop, the antithesis of TOD objectives.

Located outside of Boston, Newton is 2,700 miles from Area 51.  Self described as a City of Villages, the community is culturally, educationally and financially up scale.  It is inhabited by a population that refuses to acknowledge the existence of Area 51.  It will provide a perfect nexus for OI participants, as the program expands, first throughout the continent, then throughout the world.

It is expected that, even if discovered, Newton would welcome the aliens, if for no other reason than to confirm their commitment to diversity, provided the aliens do not attempt to settle in other Newton villages in large numbers and as long as they do not require the use of large, 5 story, apartment blocks.

In an unrelated news report it has been claimed that Area 51 Aliens have secretly attacked government officials and the HAAC’s [Housing At All Costs proponents] in Newton, MA and altered their brain patterns, thereby making it impossible for them to distinguish distortions of architectural/development jargon, particularly when coupled with phrases such as Transit Oriented, Typologies, Housing, Walkability and Diversity.

Even as I re-read the above, I find it hard to believe such a huge coverup can be carried out in 2016.

Peter F. Harrington


Enjoy the day.

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Greg ReibmanLynne LeBlancSallee LipshutzJohn Koot Recent comment authors
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Miles Fidelman
Miles Fidelman


John Koot

Hilarious, Peter! The truth is out there, for those who are willing to see it!

Fans of “Star Trek: Next Generation” will immediately have recognized that the block-sized monstrosity proposed by Korff the Konqueror was inspired by the immense cuboid spaceship of the Borg Collective (Motto: “Resistance is Futile”). The hive mind of the Borg would also explain the widespread use of a common alien terminology to explain the goals espoused by allied entities. “Star Trek” fans will also be aware that transporter technology (“Beam me up, Scotty!”) will be the only reliable means of allowing the less-abled inhabitants of the complex to gain access to the Newtonville commuter rail station (Motto: “Survival of the fittest”).

I’m sure you have earned the gratitude of every thinking Newtonian by alerting us to otherworldly infiltration. It may be well to remind everyone that according to reliable sources (the alien emissary Gort in the 1950s documentary “The Day the Earth Stood Still”), repetition of the phrase “Klaatu barada nikto” will render our would-be alien overlords powerless.

Live long and prosper!

Sallee Lipshutz

Boy, Peter, you caused quite a ruckus on V14. Nonetheless, the Killer Tomatoes have declined the opportunity of being thrown at you!
@John: I thought I was the only nut in the universe who memorized “Gort, Klato Burrada Nicktoe”! So we both could save the world…and pay for our ice cream with diamonds!

Lynne LeBlanc

Clearly an evil ploy to reveal an evil plot…
Tons of fun – thanks for the laugh!

I think “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” has a role in all of this. It would explain why some voting has gone the way it has and why some people who clearly should know better act like they don’t.

Greg Reibman
Greg Reibman

Hi Chris: Please explain to me how suggesting that people you disagree must have been abducted by aliens fosters the type of constructive “polite” discussion you say is central to this blog’s mission?

Greg Reibman
Greg Reibman

Hey Chis, I have another question. On Village 14 Peter Harrington says that he did not add the alien photo on this page to his post. Can you tell us who did or how these appear?

And, how about the photo that you removed showing the faces of eight city councilors with targets on their faces?

Did Peter add that or did some one else?

I know this blog is big on transparency so I’m looking forward to your response.